Adventures of a rowdy Nord and a sarcastic Vampire
by articwulf1221
Summary: A tale of a young female Nord/Brenton hybrid who journeys to Skyrim to avenge her parents only to be caught up in dragons, civil wars, and other nonsense and gains a very sarcastic vampire for a companion.
1. Ch 1: Beginnings

**Author's Note: I obviously don't own Skyrim. If I did, having a wife would be more exciting than telling her to cook, selling of useless crap when Belethor runs out of gold, or demanding money from her. Things like, i don't know, giving her gifts or something.**

Well, where to begin. I guess I should start with my name and who I am.

My name is Faolan. My father was originally from Skyrim's northern borders, near Dawnstar and my mother was a political refugee from High Rock.

They met and fell in love and for reasons unknown to me; they moved to Bruma, well around it and had me.

After five years had aged me however, tragedy struck. I was out in the woods collecting berries with mother and when we returned home, father was dead. A strange man was holding his throat to his mouth. Mother lost it and went to attack the man but he quickly overpowered her and killed her too. I was left standing in the doorway clutching the basket.

Maybe it was because I was a child, or maybe it was because he felt pity for me, I don't know. For whatever reason the man simply left, leaving me to grieve my parents.

Years would pass and all I could ever think about were the man's red eyes and my father's blood dripping from his mouth. This would eventually drive me to seek out the answers behind my parent's death and also why they moved to Cyrodil in the first place where they were murdered.

After reaching my seventeenth year, I found myself journeying across the Jerrall Mountains and right into an Imperial ambush. After traveling via prison carriage I arrived in Helgan where I was hoping we were to be put in a prison of some sort to await trial and I could plead my story and hopefully be on my way. This did not go as planned.

Instead of prison, or even a trial, the Stormcloaks (as they called themselves) were to go straight to the chopping block. Guess who the Imperials thought was a Stormcloak? That's right, this chick.

Mysteriously I was saved by a black dragon who decided to attack right as the executioner was going to chop my head off. I won't bore you with all the details but in the end I managed to escape Helgan with one of the imperials who seem all the happier that I wasn't wrongly executed. I don't know maybe the guy got the wrong idea when I said I would travel back to Riverwood with him to meet his family.

To set the record straight for anyone, guys are not my thing; I am solely into chicks, preferably chicks who are badass, but not so much that they go into a frenzy and murder anyways, I'm getting ahead of myself.

Hadvar's (name of the imperial guy I escaped with) uncle wound up setting me up with supplies and somehow got me to agree to go to the capital of the hold Riverwood was in to try and add more security, what with a dragon flying about and all.

Sitting in the Jarl of Whiterun's keep or castle, whatever the hell you'd like to call it, trying to gain an audience with his "lordship", I notice this particularly aggressive chick approach me and even from a distance I can tell she's a Dunmer, or Dark Elf, whichever you prefer and she looks as if someone has a dagger stuck up her ass. She's got a sword drawn and all walking up to me, demanding who I am, what I am doing here, and so on and so forth. I guess she's his body guard or something.

After speaking with the Jarl, Balgruuf, I was once again volunteered for services to the hold to retrieve something called a Dragonstone? Which, after fighting of waves of the undead creatures known as Draugr also giant spiders the locals call Frostbite Spiders, I retrieved the stupid thing and absorbed some kind of knowledge from a wall within the crypt. I brought it back to him expecting some large reward like a really cool set of armor or some gold, but instead got a measly sword and a pat on the back.

However, I did manage to get some gold from the crypt, so at least my time was not wasted. Before I can even say so much as a bye, I am once again roped into helping these time I'm not delving into an ancient crypt, nope, I get to kill a damn dragon!

Seriously people, are you so pathetic and in need of help you would ask a stranger to fetch this or go kill this for me whilst I park my ass on my throne? Like before, me being a sucker and all, I go to this western watch tower and kill this damn thing before it makes too much of a pest of itself. Something strange happened afterwards though. I absorbed the dragons soul and learned what the word I got from the crypt meant, and now everyone is calling me the "Dragonborn". What the fuck is that suppose to mean?

All in all, it wasn't too bad, I mean I have this awesome power now that sends people sailing, so that's cool. Upon my return the Jarl named me Thane of the hold and gave me an axe and a minion.

And with all the gold I have acquired so far I managed to buy a house in Whiterun. Which is where I am sitting now, chilling on my bed while my appointed minion, a chick named Lydia, creepily watches me. That Jarl guy said I should venture to High Hrothgar at the top of the highest mountain in all of Nirn to speak with these old bastards who call themselves the Greybeards because they shouted for me.

But for the time being I think I'm just going to chill here because all in all this has been a tiring week and I don't feel like moving my ass just yet.


	2. Ch 2: I'm a what?

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim, but I do own this adorable dog named Zephyr who is currently laying next to me on my bed.**

So, managed to climb to High Hrothgar, after NEARLY GETTING MY FACE EATEN OFF BY A FROST TROLL! Seriously? Who the hell thinks these things through? And why the hell would you put a monastery at the top of a mountain other than to make pilgrims and what have you suffer? Asshats.

So after climbing this god forsaken pile of rock and snow, these Greybeard bastards tell me I am without a doubt the Dragonborn and that they want to teach me in the ways of "The Voice". Curiously enough, I take them up on their offer.

This led me into, dadada you guessed it, another ancient Nord ruin. Sigh. I was to retrieve something by some guy who was the founder of their cult or what have you. And after traversing yet another underground crypt where I was battling undead bastards and solving puzzles, I reach a damn note, A NOTE, telling me to meet this mysterious person at the Sleepy Giant Inn in Riverwood by asking for the attic room.

I get there and ask for it, and by then I am pissed and ready to strangle the fool who took the stupid horn. The innkeeper however says there's no such thing as the attic room and gives me a normal room. I go to said room and start fuming thinking I've been duped, when the innkeeper, Delphine comes in and tells me it was her that took the horn because she wanted to meet the Dragonborn herself.

She makes me follow her to a hidden cellar from her room and begins speaking about another cult of some sort called "The Blades", who many a year ago hunted dragons and even served the emperor of Cyrodil. After a somewhat lengthy discussion she wants me to prove to her that I am in fact this Dragonborn chick.

And me being headstrong and a bit of a showoff, I agree to seek out dragon burial sites to kill a dragon and absorb it's soul, not before clearing out her stash of course, which, after buying a house, I could use the money, so don't judge me.

I run to Kynesgrove with her to see the black jerk of a dragon from my almost-execution performing some kind of revival ritual to the dragon skeleton located in what I would have guessed to be the burial site Delphine had mentioned. The dragon spoke to me in some strange language and then insults me by pretty much calling me stupid and unworthy of the title I have been bestowed and then flies away after telling his lackey to kill me and Delphine, tough luck for him though, because we kill the damn dragon in a very short battle. Looks like mister World-eater needs better minions.

Afterwards Delphine accepted that I am in fact this "Dragonborn" and finally answered my questions.

After all that nonsense was done and away with I managed to crawl back up the Throat of the World, the enormous mountain the Greybeards live on, and give the head monk or what have you, Arngeir, the stupid horn. They then accepted me as this powerful Dragonborn and called me Ysmir, which meant "Dragon of the North".

Don't think I'm doing too badly. Just a couple weeks ago I was almost getting my head chopped of in some sort of confusion with Stormcloaks and a horse thief, and now look at me. I own a house, have a minion, am "Thane" of a hold, became the Dragonborn, and have bitches pooling around my heels.

The only thing missing is finding the bastard who killed my parents and exacting my revenge. I remember he had a sickly yellowish tone to his skin, had pointed ears, and an angular face, so at one point in his time, before becoming the deviant of the night that he is, that he had to belong to any of the races of elves, more like a wood elf or high elf.

But in any case, off that grim topic, I don't want those memories resurfacing for tonight is the first in four days I can relax. Lydia didn't seem too pleased at my condition when I returned home however.

I guess things did get a little rough though. The look on her face was kind of amusing when I asked her to undress me and tend to the numerous cuts, bruises, and burn that have now marred my being.

I suppose I should invest this times loot into some better armor because this fur armor I got off an idiot bandit does nothing for protection, and frankly, the dried blood and inners from the guy are starting to really stink.

Hmm, maybe that was the real reason behind Lydia's disgusted look. That would make more sense.

She's back over in her usual spot again staring at me as I reflect while trying to fall asleep, and this time it's a little more unnerving seeing as my armor was removed and I am now down to my undergarments. I really need to have a talk with her and her prying eyes; it's becoming unsettling to think that she watches me sleep at times. I wonder what she does when I'm not here….


	3. Ch 3:Why do thieves live in sewers?

**Author's Note: I don't own Skyrim, be really cool if I did. Forget the damn dog, horse and Lydia, I'd have a dragon bitches ^.^**

Well, I decided that I would take a break from saving the world and attempt to join a guild to gain extra gold and such. Maybe break a few faces or shoot guards in the knees like they keep saying happened. I'm pretty sure it's code word for something else because if they did get shot in the knee with an arrow they wouldn't be standing due to damage to the cartilage and ligaments in their knees. Wait, when the hell did I start getting all smart?

Anyways, I tried for the companions, but as soon as I walked into their grand hall, they were fighting and such, so I kind of just backed out slowly. I heard there was also a mage guild of some sort in Winterhold but my ass ain't tracking through snow and mountains right now. And as much as I would love to kill off a few of these idiot guys who cannot take a hint, the Dark Brotherhood isn't really my cup of tea. So that left only one place left, the Thieves Guild in Riften.

Little did I know at the time I set out from Whiterun that a. Riften is kind of swampy and b. THE THIEVES GUILD IS IN A DAMN SEWER! Seriously? A sewer? Do they enjoy the smell of shit?

Anyways, I had made it to Riften and curiously enough, the Thieves Guild is kind of a big thing in Riften. The guards just kind of look the other way at their antics. That might be just because this uber bitch who owns most of Riften and apparently their souls as well, kind of does shady deals with the Thieves Guild.

The whole bitchy thing works for her too, by the way. Kind of adds an air of "I'm sexy, I'm bad-ass, and no you can't have me" to her. Getting sidetracked again, I managed to talk to this dude in the market who offered me interest into the guild so long as I prove I can be sneaky by stealing something from some guy and planting it on another causing a seemingly innocent guy go to jail. Oh well, no foul on my soul anyways. And BAM! In the guild.

That's when I found that they reside in the Ratway, which is another term for sewer. I ventured down there for a bit, did some of the grunt work and became an honorary member of the guild.

And after sleeping off a nights worth of pillaging and sacrilege at the local inn, I made my way back to Whiterun and got the idea that it would be funny to see what Lydia does when I'm not around. Boy was I surprised…and disturbed, because apparently she dances around half-naked with a set of my armor.

The fuck? I don't think she'll do it again though because I kind of surprised the hell out of her when I walked through the door. With the initial surprise over, she gave me a highly disgusted look, which confused me at first, until I realized where I had been.

So to further humiliate her for my own glee, I stripped off my armor while smirking like a cat and asked her if she would be a dear and wash this set while talking the one she was dancing with out of her hands and putting it on. I can hear her grunting in frustration trying to get the latest filth off my armor set. I know I shouldn't be so mean, but it's just too funny.

Maybe I should start bringing her with me from now on. I mean, I still need to rendezvous with Delphine in Riverwood like I said I would. Yeah, maybe I will do that.

Screw that noise. Lydia can twirl in her undergarments with my armor for the rest of her life or service to me, which ever ends first. I am NEVER taking her with me anywhere again, not even down the street to the market.

The rendezvous with Delphine led to a covert mission to infiltrate the Thalmor Embassy to retrieve information to see if they were behind the dragon resurrections or if they knew what was causing it and Lydia failed at every turn and nearly got us caught.

We were found out of course, but if it hadn't been for my quick assessment of the situation, we would be rotting in their torture chambers down in their basement right now. Not only that but at every little crevice, she was blocking me in or even worse scaring the daylights out of me by popping up out of nowhere. Then she would get all pissy when I almost shot her with my bow numerous times.

Worse. Sidekick. Ever.

Not to mention I told her to wait after we managed to escape the embassy though a corpse shoot to a cave underneath because I heard something and didn't want her to get hurt, or worse, in my way again. And guess what the stupid fool does? Runs straight in and starts attacking the damn troll in the cave.

So not only was I saving her from the Thalmor and her own stupidity, but now a troll as well.

I've pretty much grounded her for the time being, and I guess my disappointed face worked for once because she's not sitting in the chair in the corner of my room creepily staring at me. She's actually in her room for once. Think I'm going to change into some normal clothes and get some sleep. I'm still going to make Lydia clean my armor, but not right now.

First thing in the morning however, that shit is going to be spotless.


	4. Ch 4: Pissy Elves and Madmen

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. Also, I just moved into my girlfriends house and she doesn't have internet, so…..it might be a few days before I update. Sorry.**

**P.S. If you haven't listened to The Shoe, you need to, like right now! They are awesome ^.^**

Of all places I am meant to be, why does it have to be in the sewers? As if wading through them the first time around for the Thieves Guild wasn't bad enough, I had to go find this bastard Delphine called Esbern because I found out the Thalmor dicks want to kill him and know where he's hiding. Also, apparently he is quite knowledgeable about dragons and such and might know what the fuck is going on with the flying lizards.

So after rooting around in the sewers again I found the guy and then the Thalmor found us. Needless to say, it was a shit storm. Swords were clashing, magic was flying everywhere. It was just a mess. Anyways, Esbern and I make it out somewhat alive, though I need new armor seeing as one of those Thalmor bastards managed to singe the lower half of my leather with a fireball spell. Oh yes, nothing like having your crotch catch fire! At least the ratty bastard was courteous enough to apologize, and then put it out with an ice spell. After which, instead of killing him, I simply hit him in the head with the pommel of my axe.

So, we escaped Riften and went back to Riverwood to Delphine and Esbern starts talking about something called Alduin's Wall, (Alduin being the flying black lizard that inadvertently saved me from getting my head axed about a month ago). Apparently it has some sort of prophecy on it and it is imperative that we found it right away!

Trouble was it's at the Blades headquarters, a place called Sky Haven Temple located in the Reach. And the Reach is swarming with a group of crazy cultists known as the Foresworn. Sounds like fun huh? Like hell it was. I tried to be all sneaky like and when that didn't work I nearly got my head pierced by arrows that these unfriendly natives decided to generously send my way.

Don't people know by now that if they want to live they should just let me be? Apparently not. They had some pretty good loot though. We went through the cave though and reached the temple and Esbern "read" the profacy that was Aludin's Wall. Which required me to seek out what the ancient heros who defeated him before did and defeat him once and for all. And I am the only one who can truly defeat him too. Why me? Why not some other chick, hell, a guy could even accomplish this much. All I wanted when I came to this frozen land was to find out more about my parents and who in the hell was responsible for their deaths so that my axes might meet their face.

But no, now I am crawling around in fucking caves, ruins, and lairs for these random people because I seem to be the only one capable to do so. Half of them could go to the Companions or something and be done with it. Or maybe they do it because they charge too much and I've done it for little to no gold at all. Hell, this one chick, Ysolda, got me to seek out a mammoth tusk just by batting her eyelashes…. in my defense of that one though, the chick was hot, okay? So, I can't be faulted too much for that one. And the old beggar guy in Solitude just wanted his helmet back. I mean come on, I'm not going to make a lady or old guy go through these ruins. I'm not that much of an ass. But these damn Jarl's and the favors they want, they can kiss my pearly white ass.

In any case, now I have to go learn how to get the word of power the ancient hero's used to defeat Alduin. I'd better get some gold for saving the world dammit or I'm going to be pissed. Oh, and Lydia apparently knew I would somehow fuck up my armor and got me a set of steel armor to replace my leather. About time too, because it was really starting to stink. Tomorrow I guess I'll start on my way back to High Hrothgar to ask the Greybeards if they know what the ancients used.


	5. Ch 5: A New Light

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. I do however have an increasing sense of dread that the dishes I just washed are all dirty again…also, I might have been slightly drunk while writing this…so…**

Okay, so, I was on my way up to High Hrothgar, however before I could even get out of Whiterun I was attacked by blood-sucking demons. It was then that I learned of a faction, much like the Companions and Thieves Guild, known as the "Dawnguard" that were a group of vampire hunters.

Needless to say, my ass was not trudging up a damn mountain this time around. Instead I found myself going to a slightly run-down castle that was the Dawnguard's headquarters, nestled in the mountains near Riften. They seemed to welcome me with open arms and my hopes of revenge quickly relit with the promise of fighting off hordes of the leechy bastards. I'd destroy every one of them that crossed my path, but not before first pulling any information of my parent's murder first. Only then would I relieve the poor bastards of their afflictions and rid the world of their cruelty.

I was to go to a vampire lair, Dimhollow Crypt, and figure out their plans. Little did I know when I embarked for my mission that my world would never be the same again. After defeating skeletons, spiders, and vampires I found myself solving another damn puzzle thinking it lead to a secret area like it had in many other crypts, ruins, and caves. It is safe to say I was surprised to find a woman falling out.

From the moment I met her eyes I knew I was doomed. And then I found out she was a vampire. But strangely enough, I really didn't care. Of all the women who had ever graced my path, I had never found one so, alluring to say the least. This is how I found myself going home to meet her family. Which at the time, I didn't care because I was in a kind of trance by this lovely creature before me, looking back though, I was an idiot!

Who the hell goes with a vampire to meet her dad? "Oh, hey Dad this is my new friend, she released me from thousands of years of sleep, please don't bite her". The fuck was I thinking!

Luckily, I did not become dinner and managed to escape alive but I really need to think before acting, even if a woman with such sultry eyes and attractive bodice entice me to do so. In any case her father, Lord Harkon, decided the only way I was going to stay in his residence, Castle Volkihar, was to become a vampire and join his legion of the undead.

Yeah, that wasn't happening, so he kicked me out and I guess Serana (the sexy vampire chick) didn't like his plans involving her as a sacrifice so she joined me. Anyways, I set out in a couple of days to Fort Dawnguard to report back to Isran.

In the meantime I'm just going to chill in Breezehome and enjoy the company of Serana. Lydia wasn't too pleased by my latest guest but its fine and all. She really isn't going to like the fact then that I have no idea where Serana is going to sleep. I'd ask if she would like to sleep in my bed, with me of course, but that might send the wrong message. That and frankly I might be slightly unnerved by letting a vampire sleep next to me.

Might offer Serana Lydia's bed and tell Lydia she can have mine and I'll sleep downstairs or something. I do need Lydia's help first before any sleeping decisions are made to get out of this infernal armor. I think I will go with the suit the Thieves Guild gave me. It offers only a portion of the protection this set of steel offers, but at least it isn't as annoying, and it's slightly more comfortable.

Also, my steel armor does absolutely nothing to keep out the chill while going to High Hrothgar. Maybe I will just get a new set of armor, who knows? I have heard rumors of a specific set of armor that is made of steel and is lined with bear pelts. That should offer both protection and warmth. Hmm, but that will only be good in the frigid wastes of the north and the winding path up the Throat of the World. I go to Riften in that crap and I will be roasting. Maybe I will ask my compatriots in the morning of their opinions. For now I am tired and have to figure out these sleeping arrangements so that I might sleep.

So, good news was that sleeping arrangements were easy to decide. As soon as I asked Lydia if she would mind sharing a bed with me so Serana could take hers, she turned beet red and fainted. Seriously? So I wound up carrying her to her bed to sleep off her near heart-attack. So, guess who did wind up in my bed? Serana.

Except I was a little apprehensive to just yet trust her and such so I just gave over my bed and I slept in a chair downstairs. I was woken around my normal time by Lydia, who I guess through shear embarrassment on how she handled things last night, could not even make eye contact this morning. She went upstairs to my room though to wake Serana up after I told her what had happened afterwards, but she came flying down the stairs a moment later exclaiming that she was gone.

Quickly, and slightly clumsily, I went upstairs to confirm her declaration, only to find it to be true. In her place was a small note with neat handwriting thanking me for my help and that it would be wise for her to leave while she could, before she did something she would regret. Huh? What the fuck is she talking about doing something she will regret? Lydia seems to be quite pleased with this outcome however because she over in her normal chair grinning like a Khajit. It's too early for this crap.


	6. Ch 6: I hate rats

p class="MsoNormal"strongAuthor's Note: I do not own Skyrim. My suspicions were correct…there were dirty dishes….again. /strong/p  
>p class="MsoNormal" So, after the little bit of arguing with Lydia the morning that Serana left, I went to Fort Dawnguard to report to Isran. As soon I got there however, we were under attack by a small troop of vampires. We took them out easily enough, but damn! These guys are getting ballsy.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Isran wanted me to go recruit a couple companions he use to know who might help out with our increasing vampire problem. They were easy enough to find, and even easier to convince to go to Fort Dawnguard to help us.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Instead of going directly back to Isran however, I had decided that it would be best to see what else I could do in the Thieves Guild. My quests were fairly simple. All I had to do was burn some beehives, poison some mead, and interrogate an idiot Argonian. Turns out the guild has a bit of a secret. The original guild master was killed and Mercer Fray took over.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"The chick that killed the old master was now after Mercer and we were going to go where she killed the old master and avenge him, or something. Well, when we got there things weren't exactly as they seemed. Turns out, Mercer was actually the one who killed the guy, and blamed it on the chick, whose name is Karliah.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"The bastard even turned on me after I was unintentionally told the truth and tried to kill me. Rat bastard better run when I find him by the way, because when I do, I'm sticking that sword of his straight up his ass. Anyways, the old master, Gallus, had left a journal with strange runes in it that neither Karliah nor I could decipher, but she knew of this guy in the College of Winterhold that might.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"I was kind of glad that I switched armor, because if I had left on that steel armor, I would have been frozen on the trip up there. Karliah's not bad company by the way, but I miss Serana. I wonder what happened to her….and why the hell did she just up and leave in the middle of the night! Did I do something to offend her? Probably. Well, we made camp for the night and we have to be up fairly early.p  
>p class="MsoNormal" p  
>p class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: center;" align="center"~p  
>p class="MsoNormal"I met with Gallus's friend and he couldn't even translate the damn thing. I wound up making a trip( a very long an d lonely trip) to Markarth to "acquire" some guy named Calcelmo (who's the court wizard there) research notes on the Falmor language. p  
>p class="MsoNormal"It was hell to get by the way, and after fighting off the guards, nearly getting my ass shot by arrows, and jumping down a waterfall, I managed to escape Markarth with only a few bruised ribs and a twisted ankle. It took me almost a week to return to Winterhold but the guy was able to decipher it with the notes I might have stolen.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"They proved exactly what we already knew. Mercer was a dirty rotten bastard that killed Garrus in cold blood. Karliah and I took it back to the guild to prove her innocence. They didn't believe us at first, until they took a peek into the vault only to find it cleared. Vex was pissed about this, and might I say, damn I love a woman with a fiery personality.p  
>p class="MsoNormal"Anyways though, I went to Mercers house in Riften hoping that it would give insight as to where he had gone. It was kin d of a pain, but I managed to sneak inside and figure out where he was headed. I think though before I go to look for this crazed psychopath, I'm going to heal a little and get some rest, because these little green and red potions are just not cutting it anymore. At the very least I'll rest for only a few days before heading out again. I bet Lydia is worried sick though…..I'm usually not gone this long.p  
>p class="MsoNormal" strongP.S. – I should be posting the next chapter around Christmas eve or Christmas as that will be the next time I will be at my parents.strong/p 


	7. Ch 7:Troublesome Women

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. Also, my girlfriend is turning out to be someone completely different then who I thought she was which is good news for you guys because I will be moving back in with my parents.**

Alright well, things might have gotten a little….yeah that shit was horrible. I'm glad father taught me to swim when I was young otherwise I wouldn't be laying here in my bed right now. After raiding Mercer's house for information Karliah suggested Brynjolf and I get on equal terms of power as our rat bastard of a leader.

That meant pledging ourselves to the daedric mistress Nocturne and becoming Nightingales, which was cool and all, but still. I did get this really awesome armor though so it wasn't too bad a deal. So we became Nightingales and then set off to where the jackass was lurking, a Dwarven ruin by the name of Irkngthand.

His life's ambition apparently was to pull off the ultimate heist, stealing the Eyes of the Falmer, whatever the hell that's supposed to mean. Karliah, Brynjolf, and I managed to fight our way through ancient Dwarven attack machines, Falmer, and GIANT FUCKING BUGS THAT SHOOT POISON! And I thought frost trolls were bad. At least these rite bastards didn't smell as bad. The Falmer however need to learn how to bathe regularly. One would think with their heightened sense of smell that it would irritate them but apparently this is not the case. It's going to take Lydia forever to get the smell out of my armor this time.

I think she would prefer the smell of the sewers right about now. Anyways, we were right. Mercer was up on this gigantic statue prying the jewel eyes out. He was easy enough to take down sure, but then the room started to flood. And we almost drowned. Luckily a hole opened up in the wall from the falling rocks and we slipped out through there. If I do not have to be in a pit full of rising water again it will be too soon. I got both gems though and the Skeleton Key that Mercer had stolen from Nocturne. Which is why the Guild has been having such bad luck and why Mercer seemed like such a pro at picking locks.

Fucking cheater can't even learn like the rest of us. Hell no he just had to have an ace in the hole. Anyways, in order for our luck to be restored I had to return the key to its rightful place in the Twilight Sepulcher. After going there I met up with Gallus, well, the ghost of Gallus, who told me that with the key being stolen the ghostly Nightingale guards were corrupted and agitated and they _might_ attack me. Well, they did, and holy shite it was a mess. One almost got me in my femoral artery but luckily it missed and stabbed me in my crotch plate. Which still hurt, don't get me wrong, and I'm pretty sure it gave me a nice bruise, but I am not checking it right now.

Lydia is in the room and refuses to leave due to the amount of cuts and nicks she had to patch up this time. Plus as an added bonus one of the damn things shot me in the foot with an arrow, so I don't think I will be walking anytime soon. It didn't pierce my armor thank the gods, but I think it did break a few bones cause it hurts like all holy hell. I did return the key to its little keyhole though and in return was granted the ability to completely disappear once a day. Hm, think I will use it on Lydia and watch her freak out. Nah, I put her through too much crap today already. That and the fact that Karliah was the one to bring me home this time. Lydia really needs to work on her jealousy problems.

Okay, so I might have been even worse off than I originally thought. I can't really move and Lydia has had to care for me these past few days and I am getting sick of this invalid bull shit. I still have stuff I have to do. Alduin needs to be killed, Lord Harken needs to be staked or something and I haven't heard of seen Serana in a month now. Don't get me wrong, Lydia is good company, at times, but she is starting to really creep me out. I breathe unusually and it's "Do you need anything my Thane?" with this twisted, tormented look in her eyes. I think I need to find her a good lay and disappear for a few months. Maybe I'll try and find Serana. Hey, I did that Ysolda chick a favor by getting her that stupid mammoth tusk, maybe she'll do me a solid and screw my housecarl? Who knows anything is possible in this damn place.

Yep nope, I am never going to do something like that again. I slipped Lydia some kind of paralyzing potion or something and took a few health and stamina potion and managed to head down to the Bannered Mare where Ysolda likes to chill at this hour. Well, apparently she didn't like my idea and slapped the shit out of me. Not wanting to head back right away I might have drank a few too many and everything after that is a blur. When I woke up this morning there was a very naked and grinning Lydia asleep next to me. Son of a bitch.


	8. Ch 8: Think it will scar?

**Author's note: I do not own Skyrim. Also, I am no longer going to vent about my personal problems on here. Sorry about before.**

I haven't gone back to Breezehome just yet because of all that crap with Lydia. I know I should probably talk to her about what happened. It also didn't help me running out before she woke up that morning. And now I find myself sitting in this small inn in a town called Shor's Stone. It's not all bad though. I found Serana, or rather she found me.

After the oops with Lydia, I was on my way to the Thieves Guild to possibly hide out there for a few days, maybe a few weeks or a month even when I overheard rumors of a knock dead chick with strange attire and glowing eyes lurking about. Thinking it could possibly be my blood-sucking companion, I had set out for Fort Dawnguard to see if they knew anything and low and behold, there she was.

I'm certain she said some things of importance because of the serious expression on her face, but I didn't hear one word of it. I am slightly ashamed to say that I could have been gawking at her the entire time, which led me to volunteer for another stupid task.

Tomorrow we set out to find a moth priest guy to read Serana's Elder Scroll that will hopefully tell us more about what exactly her deranged father is trying to do and how to stop Talos, which I have a feeling is because of all the crap that happened last time when we were going to share a bed and all, plus the awkwardness of sharing a bed with someone you hardly know. I have a feeling that tomorrow is going to be better.

I REALLY need to stop jinxing myself. Not only was it a pain in the ass to find the fucking priest, but while we were trying to rescue him one of the damn vampires bit me, on my damn leg. And because of my frantic search through my satchel for a potion to cure the damn curse, I think I offended Serana.

I am glad that I thought ahead in all this though and grabbed a few extra of those potions; otherwise I would be burning anytime I walk outside. That of course is the reason I don't want to become a vampire, that and the fact that one killed off my parents.

Anyways, after walking everywhere, me and Serana had gotten a tip that the man we were searching for was seen headed toward Dragon's Bridge, which was by Solitude. We, thanks to Serana's suggestion, were up by Winterhold when we found out about this guy. She thought it would be wise to go to the college for information and we had to stop for the night the inn up there.

When I was acquiring our drinks and my food, the innkeeper gave me our lovely tip. So, the next morning, after me sleeping on the floor because they only had one room (which by the way smelled horrible), we started off for Dragon's Bridge.

We wound up running from Giants and their pet Mammoths. Twice. And then we fought a troll. And then a Dragon. And then a group of bandits tried to mug us. Which that last part was a good thing because Serana was starting to look at me like an on the road snack. By this point we had reached Morthal and stopped there for the night.

I'm really glad for that group of bandits because once again we had to share a room, and yes, I slept on the floor. It smelled like week old fish. We finally reached Dragon's Bridge without any further issues, well, we were attacked by frostbite spiders, but they were nothing we couldn't handle after the day we had prior.

Anyways, we get there and the guy has already left. When we went to go after him again however, we found his caravan a wreck and his escort murdered. Looking through the wreckage we found that his kidnappers had taken him to a nearby cave and that was where that douche-packer of a vampire bit me. We got the guy out okay, but man, that spot itches something fierce.

Serana says I have nothing to worry about with becoming a vampire and all because I cured the disease, but I am still concerned about infection. And I can't return to the one who normally dresses and tends to my wounds because I kind of messed things up with Lydia.

Wish I didn't because between this bite and my previous injuries, I really hurt right now. Which is going to be fun in the coming days because me and Serana have to travel back to Castle Volkihar to find clues as to where her mother disappeared to.

We just might stop in Whiterun on the way so that I might apologize to Lydia for my actions and my cowardice. Also so she can clean and dress my wounds. I wonder how she will take Serana's return….


	9. Ch 9: Jealousy Issues

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. Also, hope you had a Happy New Years day. I had to calm my 8 pound chi/rat terrier mix because of all the fireworks…at least I hope they were fireworks…my parents garage isn't too too bad, except at the peak of the day. Thank Talos for fans otherwise I would live in the fifth ring of hell **-.-

Before I say anything further, this was not my fault. I tried to stop all this madness, granted, calling an undead dragon in the middle of Whiterun wasn't the best of ideas. And trying to explain to the guards that I "accidently' sneezed his name didn't work either. But it is Lydia and Serana's fault that we are in this mess. Mainly Lydia's.

But I suppose I should start at the top. It started a couple weeks ago. Me and Serana stopped by Whiterun like I wanted to and we stayed for a few days till shit started feeling right again, what with my injuries, that and on the way back a Skeever popped out of a bush along the roadside and bit me in the right ass-cheek. Little shit had some sharp ass teeth too.

Not only did it manage to make it through a space in my Nightingale armor, but it got all the way into the muscle of me arse. Little cunt. Anyways, I managed to limp back and of course had Lydia check out both of my new injuries, which she seemed alarmingly keen to making sure the one on my ass was "properly" tended to.

And then she noticed Serana. Now, she didn't say anything this time around. She did look a bit agitated at first, but then when Serana noticed what she was doing and looked away abruptly, Lydia had this smug look on her face. I guess she thought me and her were together or something along those lines.

In which case, I quickly told her no and when she started crying about it I did start to apologize, but she kind of went running out of the house. I assume she went back up to Dragonsreach, because I couldn't find her anywhere in the square or in the Bannered Mare.

I did run into Ysolda again, but she kind of scoffed and walked the other way when I tried to ask her if she had seen Lydia. Remembering that I didn't have time for my housecarl's one-side affections and issues because a crazed vampire was trying to steal the sun and what have you, me and Serana went back to my house grabbed our belongings and left for her father's castle. Don't worry; I left a note for Lydia.

We managed to get there and looked around her mother's courtyard. This led up to a secret passage to an equally secret laboratory her mother used to hone her necromancy skills. There was this weird symbol on the ground that was apparently her mother's portal to the Soul Cairn (according to her journal).

It required a handful of ingredients to open and to my dismay, because I am mortal there would be a toll, a toll that just had to be part of my soul to gain entrance. Serana offered to turn me into a vampire, there by negating the toll, but I passed for obvious reasons, well, obvious to me.

She got all mad and stuff about my distain toward vampirism and I broke down, yes in her mother's creepy lab, and told her exactly why I would never become a vampire and why I joined the Dawnguard in the first place. She asked me to describe the vampire responsible and when I did I rang a few bells in her head. Turns out the rat bastard belongs to Harkon's court.

So now I get a double reprieve for destroying all that resides in Castle Volkihar. I get to free Serana from her father (and of course save the world) and I get revenge. Who wins? This chick.

Anyways, after our little heart-to-heart, I gave up part of my soul (which I got back once we were in there by the way)and we entered the Soul Cairn. We met up with her mother, who was trapped in this strange prison so we freed her. And along the way saved the soul of a horse (don't judge, it wasn't the poor things fault he was there to begin with) and took out multiple baddies along the way.

After freeing her mother though we had to fight an undead dragon named Durnehviir. He was fairly easy to defeat (and I mean defeat not kill, he's already dead for Talos sake), after which we grabbed her mother's Elder Scroll and proceeded to high tail it out of there.

I was stopped outside her mother's prison however by the same dragon we just kicked in his scaly ass and he politely asked if when I was back in the world of the living if I would be so kind to call upon him to allow him to feel the sun on his wings and the wind in his face. I know he's an undead dragon, but how could I refuse? I may have a twisted sense of humor at times and can be a bit of a flirt when it comes to women, but I'm not heartless.

Anyways, we make it out of the Soul Cairn and ALL the way back to Whiterun so I can check on my house and Lydia (and also to get a drink at the Bannered Mare and then sleep it off in MY bed for once) and the two start having a spit right in the middle of the Plains District. I try and get them to stop but I guess in my frustration I called upon Durnehviir, and then everything went to hell.

People were screaming, guards were shooting at him, and to top it all off Serana had Lydia in a choke hold. It was at this point that I Fos'ed them and sent them flying that their attention finally turned to the problem at hand. Durnehviir finally went back to the Soul Cairn but by then the damage that had been caused was put on us.

We sat in jail for three days till everything was sorted out and I used my last 2000 gold to bail us out. And by the way, Serana and Lydia haven't looked at each other since. They kind of just ignore each other's presence now. I don't think Serana had a problem with her to begin with, but now. Sheesh. And I am of course stuck in the middle of all this madness.

I think I need a break from women for a while. Maybe go to High Hrothgar for a bit without telling anyone where I have gone. Speaking of which I did say I was going to go up there a couple months ago didn't I? Whoops.


	10. Ch 10: Mechanical Nightmares

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. If I did all sorts of crazy and wild hijinks would ensue. Like being able to ride mammoths or choosing any character (who is not previously spoken for) to marry. And to clarify, in any file I have played, I have always married Ysolda. I don't know why, she just seemed like the coolest person and also at the time the prettiest. Then Serana came along. Also, Lydia has always kind of gives me the creeper vibe (if you couldn't tell). Well, love my story, hate it, and tell me how you feel, or shoot, just message me I don't care. This story is currently the only thing I have going on right now, well that and playing Skyrim. Which I know, it's pathetic.**

So, after the mess in Whiterun, I decided to take off for a few weeks. Serana of course followed me and I couldn't persuade her otherwise. We went to the greybeards who proceeded to send us to the summit of the Throat of the World to speak with their leader.

To our astonishment, their leader was actually a dragon. Which yes, we were, well, scared out of our minds at first, but Paarthurnax is actually a pretty chill guy. He told us of a way to figure out what the old nord heros used to bring down Alduin. Which of course was to find yet another Elder Scroll. Fun fun.

Serana suggested we go to the College of Winterhold again. I was kind of skeptical at first but, well, when an extremely sexy centuries old vampire chick tells you to go somewhere, you kind of just nod, smile stupidly, and do as you are told. What's that phrase again? Ah, yes. I am 's worse is I don't even get any sex out of it. Getting off topic here.

We did go to the college, and surprisingly she was correct. They did know about the Elder Scroll I seeked. Well, they knew of a guy that knew about them. Turns out he lived out on a glacier. Which was fun to get to, to say the least.

Horkers are a pain in the arse by the way. Big, blubbery, and very difficult to find their weak points. The guy the college was referring to, Septimus Signus, might be a bit of a whack job, but he seems harmless enough. Except he had me and Serana delving in to an ancient Dwemer ruins known as Blackreach.

It looked to be a major city of theirs before they mysteriously vanished. Serana was entranced by its beauty so I guess it was worth it. We were attacked by several dwemer machines and one got me across the leg with its blade. The little spider things were really annoying with their lightning spells. And do not even get me started on the giant mechanical man, thing. Rat bastard made things very difficult to see what with all the steam and what not. We did manage to get the damn scroll eventually and to also fill his little doodad.

We took it back to him and just when we thought we were on the home stretch, he asks us to fetch him the blood of various species of mer, or elves in our tongue. Meh, it was, well, a wild goose chase. It took us forever to locate all the blood samples he required.

It was good bonding time with Serana though. And for the first time since crossing over those damn mountains, someone has actually been curious on how I grew up. I told her everything. From the long walks my family would take, to how my father would always let me ride on his shoulders. I even told her about my father teaching me how to properly wield an ax and how to shoot a bow. It made me really miss them. I miss waking up in between them after a nightmare and my father coming in early in the morning to fetch me so we could hunt and fish together. My mother loved me of course, but she understood I was the son they could never have.

She kind of understood this because of her relationship with her mother was similar. I tried asking her if she ever regretted becoming a vampire and she told me that at times she did, but there are some days where she is truly grateful that she has an extended life. Yes, most of that time she was locked away, but then she told me something that nearly brought me, one of the most powerful mortals in all of Nirn, to tears.

She told me that had she not become a vampire and if she hadn't been put in that tomb that I would have never found her and the only person who has ever cared about what she wanted or who she was. It was at that moment that I relized I felt the same way. Had I not gone through the hardship I did and crossed those mountains I would not be standing with the one person who has made me feel alive since I was a child.

And just when that moment couldn't get any more sappy and romantic, a damn dragon attacked, which we slayed with a vengeance. Not going to lie, shit started getting really intense between us till the dragon interrupted. With our moment ruined, we finished collecting Signus's blood samples from a rather unwilling bandit who also happened to be an orc.

We traveled all the way back out to him where the fool injected the samples into himself to open the large dwemer cube. Fool, has he never heard of dieases? Which it wouldn't have mattered anyways because he turned to ash moments later. Inside the cube was a single book. Not just any book though, a book of Hermaeus Mora which allowed the reader, me, knowledge of one of three categories.

Naturally, I choose the know the Path of Shadow. Side note, the owner of this creepy book wanted to make me his slave the entire time I was collecting shit for Signus. I told the wretch to fuck off

of course. There is only one being in this world who has even managed to gain some control over me and she is currently asleep on the bed next to me. I suppose I should be more keen to letting others in, but lets face it, Serana is the only person that I have spoken with that has actually given a damn as to what happened in my past. Everyone else has pretty much used me as their personal beast slayer, an errand girl, or in some cases, giant bait.

I thought that chick Ysolda would be more grateful for retrieving a damn mammoth tusk for her seeing as I risked my neck to get it for her, but she was just like the rest. And don't get me started on Vex and Sapphire in the guild. Anyways, my incessant babbling has left me weary. It's has been troublesome these past few weeks and my lack of sleep and proper food have left me spent.


	11. Ch 11: The Snowy Vale

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. That is all, no witty remark or nothing this time folks. Just read, review and enjoy. Oh, and if you have any suggestions…..or find any grammatical errors, please let me know.**

So, we got the stupid Elder Scroll. As it turns out, not only was it the one we needed to bring big black down, but also the one we need to stop Serana's father. Bingo, two birds with one stone. And with Serana always being at the top of my mind, we, and by we I mean me, decided to go and stop her father.

We brought the scroll back to Fort Dawnguard for the moth priest to read it for us. However when we went to him with it, the first scroll had rendered him blind. Well shit. There went that idea right? Nope. Turned out he knew of another way. We had to go to this hole in the ground and find these specific moths, you know the reason they are called "moth" priests, and by using this special bark, I was able to attract them to me and using their "cosmic" powers, I was able to read the scrolls and get the information we needed. Said information led us on a wild goose chase to the Druadach Mountains.

I feel bad because it seems like all we do is go underground and I know Serana is tired of caves and dungeons. She wants to see the wonders of Skyrim. I honestly don't know if there is such a thing, but dammit I will find something.

I honestly think that out of all the women who have passed through my life, she is the only one who has truly captured my attention. I do believe this should be considered ironic. The person who lost her family to a vampire and became a vampire hunter for the sole purpose of getting revenge for them has fallen stupidly head over boots for one of the blood-suckers, and one of vampire royalty at that. The heart is one twisted, deceitful organ.

Back on topic, we had made into the cave I had seen in my visions and made it through to find a Snow Elf. I do not mean a Falmer in the sense we know of either. He was an untainted Snow Elf, possibly the last one too. His name is Gelebor by the way. This Gelebor guy told us that Auriel's Bow is in the chantry in the inner sanctum but he asked us to kill his brother, Arch-Curate Vyrthur, while we were there because he was corrupt by the "Betrayed" (which is the name he gives the Falmer we know) and that he is not as he once was.

It seemed like he almost pitied his brother and was asking us to put him out of his misery. I almost feel bad for the poor guy. Last of his race, that are sane anyways, and his own flesh and blood has to be killed. I know from reading tomes I have found that the snow elves did a lot to my race in the past, but come on! It just seems a bit harsh that I will have to make him quite literally the last known pure snow elf.

Morbid speak aside, when me and Serana got through the maze of caves we found ourselves in what only could be described as the most enchanting place in all of Tamriel. Almost every inch of it was covered with snow and ice, but not like if you were in Winterhold. There were beautiful waterfalls and the wild life had black coats with white spots. I had never seen something so spectacular in all my life. Me and Serana climbed to the edge of the highest waterfall and just stood in awe. She told me she was glad I was here with her to see something like this and grabbed my hand. She smiled at me so sweetly. And like always when we are having a seemingly perfect moment, we were attacked. Not by a dragon this time, but by a horde of Falmer. I will never forget that grin though from when she let go of my hand and pulled out her sword.

We traveled in that little valley, her sword in her hand and my axes in mine, killing Falmer, slaying Frost Giants (who had these weird gem things on them too), battling twin dragons, and filling the damn ewer that Gelebor gave me with water from the wayshrines.

When we FINALLY arrived in the Inner Sanctum, Vyrthur was waiting for us. He gave this little speech and kept sending his frozen Falmer minions to attack me and Serana. Come on, seriously? We just slew a shit ton of these bastards that were thawed, plus five frost giants and two dragons. But I guess when you're mad you tend to not think about these things.

Once we shattered the last of the frozen ankle biters as well as the frost atronach, the rat-bastard brought the ceiling down on us , and it briefly caused me to black out. When I came to, he was nowhere to be seen, but at least Serana was okay. She was kneeling over me, concern etched into her face. After helping me, as embarrassing as that is, to my feet, we rushed the balcony where Vyrthur had fled and he reveled some interesting things to us.

It was clear that he was still crazed, because he was spitting out nonsense like getting revenge on a god, but it wasn't the Falmer who had corrupt him. He was bitten by one of his initiates, who as it turns out, was infected with Sanguinare Vampiris. Yep, he was a vampire, who also put out a prophecy about Auriel's Bow and a Daughter of Coldharbor so he could get revenge on Auri-el (also known as Akatosh) for forsaking him and leaving him to turn into a demon of the night, a spawn of Molag Bal, a leech.

Honestly, I can do this all day, though I shouldn't because of Serana. I know it isn't her fault; she became a vampire out of force. And if I ever come face to face with Molag Bal, I'm going to kick him in his daedric balls and then take his monstrous head as a present for Serana. Maybe I will mount it on my wall. Or not, that might be too traumatic for Serana. Think I will just burn the damn thing, maybe his entire body.

There I go, getting off topic, again. After telling us all this Serana got pissed and lifted the fool off the ground and man, in which she is sweet and gentle around me so I never thought she had such strength. It was honestly kind of, never mind. Don't know why I even started to tell you any of that. I can't really tell you what all she said as I was too busy gawking, but I do know she dropped him like a sack of potatoes and shortly after we obliterated his annoying ass. All powerful vampiric snow elf my ass. He barely put up a fight.

His brother made his way over to us afterwards and we were able to retrieve Auriel's bow, which is surprisingly light by the way, and then he did some weird voodoo or something on the elven arrows I had collected to where when fired from the bow will explode on contact with the power of the sun. I guess you know what we are resting for now huh?

Tomorrow we will make our way back to the Dawnguard and then we go to face her father. I think the realization of all this is finally starting to sink in for her too. She seems, well, she's not all here right now if you catch my meaning and I am quite worried about her. I know she is a pure-blooded vampire and just a day ago I witnessed her holding a guy up by the collar of his armor, but I still worry about her. She even asked if I would stay by her side tonight.

I guess even killing the guy who was single-handedly responsible for tearing her family apart did not help ease the pain of what she has been through and what she will have to do. And I know I lost my parents and all, but I could never imagine having to deal with what she is going through. I'm not even all excited that I get to sleep with Serana in my arms tonight.

In truth, I am feeling rather sick and not looking forward to the coming days. Will she hate me when this is all over with? Will she blame me for her father's death? Will she even want to continue to be around me? Or will the mere sight of me be too much for her? I am not looking forward to the coming day when I will find the answer to these questions.


	12. Ch 12: Dust and Ash

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. I'm trying to get myself on a schedule with putting my chapters out. I'm hoping for Sundays and Wednesdays. I have been sick as of late so, that's why it has been a bit since I updated, sorry about that. **

Well, she doesn't hate me so that's good. She actually wants to keep traveling with me too, which surprised the hell out of me. Don't get me wrong, I am truly glad that she doesn't hate me and that she wants to continue being by my side, much to Lydia's dismay. We defeated her father after a long and tedious battle that was both annoying and painful.

Annoying because that jackass wouldn't hold still and fight me like a man, hell no he kept flying round, disappearing, and summoning his goonies to do his bidding. Painful, well, yeah I was fighting a vampire lord for Akatosh's sake. If he wasn't using a drain spell on me, he was hacking and slashing with his freaky fingernails. The weirdo had a monument to Molag Bal in his little cathedral too. Why would you have a monument to the demon that violated your daughter? Sicko.

Afterwards we were traveling back to Whiterun to drop by the treasure's we acquired from the castle when for the fifth time since learning I was dragonborn we were attacked by these nutters in bone masks spouting nonsense that I was a liar and that there is only one true dragonborn. I got sick of their antics, and after me and Serana dispatched the three of them, I picked through one of their robes to find a lovely little note.

Apparently they were followers of some douche named "Miraak" and came to eliminate me. Yeah. Right. Please, my big toe has squished bugs tougher than these fools. However, I was getting sick of them attacking me, so I figured "Why not figure out where they are coming from and destroy their nest", so to speak. It was this idea that had me running all the way to Windhelm, Serana in tow, to find the ship that brought the crazy fools.

I feel bad for the Captain that they kind of coerced, no, hypnotized? I don't know, I do know that the poor guy doesn't even remember bringing them to Skyrim and he felt bad enough for them attacking me that he took me and Serana to where they came from, which is where we are at right now.

It is quite literally this ash covered island named Solstheim and Serana and I are staying in an inn named "The Retching Neltch". Charming isn't it? Oh, and a Neltch is a native animal of some sort, maybe like a cow to these people? I'm not sure. What I am sure of is that they stink. Worse than any Falmer or even trolls. Quite literally, I would rather stick my head in the mouth of a dragon, which by the way, reeks of burnt flesh and brimstone most of the time. Don't ask, you really don't want to know.

Anyways, we actually have a double bed this time, so hopefully sleep will be easier and there will be a little more elbow room. Not saying I do not enjoy sleeping near Serana, because I do, but it gets hard sometime not to put my arm across her midsection and pull her close to me at times. There was once that she let it happen, but that's only because I woke screaming from a nightmare about my parents.

Side note, the vampire who killed my parents was part of Harkon's clan, but fled a few years back after having a falling out with Harkon himself. Hopefully when we get back to the main land Isran and the others will have a lead for me. Anyways, it's late and my eyes are getting heavier by the moment.

If I hear Miraak's name mentioned one more time, I will literally chuck one of my axes into the mouth or the next one who claims him to be the "one and only TRUE dragonborn". What the hell do you call me eating a dragon's soul like last night's supper and shouting the scaly punks into oblivion with my Thu'um?

And that's another thing. That fucking bitch Miraak keeps stealing my dragon souls. I swear, when I see him again in person and not as some strange apparition, I'm going to kick him in his balls. Me and Serana have been all over this forsake island shouting at stones, waltzing through ruins, and fighting off monster's that look like they belong deep within the sea.

We did get to kind of float up into a giant mushroom. oh, and as it turns out the freaky tentacle monster with one eye who was trying to get me to be his minion has a hand, or tentacle, in whatever is going on over here. Apparently Miraak was his servant but is going through a rebellious stage? Or something like that.

This guy also turned out to be the Daedric Prince of knowledge and fate, Hermaeus Mora and I might have slung a few choice words at him. Oops. Oh well. Dick deserved it. I don't care if you're some powerful god or just the Jarl of a hold, I bow to no man. Or woman for that matter.

Okay, I lied. One woman can have me on my knees faster than she can snap her fingers if she wanted. And not in that way you perv. Though sometimes I wish it was in that way…..but we won't go into that. That's private.

We have some way to go still, but I think I am almost powerful enough to challenge Miraak face-to-face. I go to Skaal Village (which is a Nord settlement on the otherside of the island) to ask their shaman for his knowledge as that is the only way Mora will divulge his secrets and give me the final word in this amazing shout that will bend the will of a dragon, basically making them my bitches. Yeah. Oh, one last thing,I met a guy from the Guild here in Raven's Rock. He is the brother of Delvin and after getting him his pickaxe, and also finding an armor recipe that was stolen from him; he let me into his cellar to take whatever I wanted.

It was indeed a good haul. I got this new armor for Serana, which might not be as revealing, but she says it's more comfortable and it is definably thicker so maybe it will hold up better to arrows and other such weapons. I also found a note that he wrote to Sapphire. He is her biological father, but never told her this, and actually she doesn't even know who he is. Next time I am in Riften I will be sure to give it to her, but I'm not sure if she will take it well. As much as I would like to stay up and write this all to you, I need my sleep if I am to stay awake while I kick Miraak's ass tomorrow. 


	13. Ch 13: Lightning Burns Suck

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim.**

**_Drem Yol Lok Fahdon_****, articwulf1221 here. Thank you to those who have made it this far in the story. If you would like me do a story on a specific subject related to a Skyrim quest or such, I will do a little spin-off. Just PM me with your suggestions and I will get on that. ****_Drem Wah Hei_****.**

Hahahaha, Miraak went down like a little bitch. Bastard gave me a run for my money though. I had to go back into Apocrypha to find him, which, by the way I had to go through a maze of sorts, or in reality, a long ass pathway to get to him. Afterwards I stole his loyal black steed, Sahrotaar, with my new Thu'um. I feel bad though because this chick I met at Miraak's "Temple", Frea (who lives in Skaal Village and is the daughter of their shaman) lost her father because the only way I could learn the last word of power was to make him use one of the black books so that Mora could learn their secrets.

How was I to know that by doing this it would kill the poor guy? The big creepy tentacle didn't share this with me. And what's worse is that Serana was pissed at me for this. That is because she cannot follow me into Apocrypha. Why? Because she won't use the books. I do not blame her though, the last time she had dealings with a Daedric Prince, he, it, violated her. I am not going into this though because it makes me really angry and it's been a really good day so far.

Anyways, I rode Sahrotaar to the summit in Apocrypha and whooped Miraak right in his "I'm the first dragonborn so I'm better than you" ass. Which would have been easier if he didn't keep summoning dragons to steal their souls and replenish his life's energy, I don't know, I'm not exactly familiar with this concept. In the end the tentacle bastard stole my thunder and finished him off, but hey, I don't really care because I was able to go back to Mundas to Serana.

After being thanked by the village for saving their dreary hides, I returned to Raven Rock with Serana to hopefully catch the ship back to Skyrim before he left again. I was about twenty minutes too late, and he won't be back for another couple of weeks. Needless to say I had time to kill. And what's a poor, bored nord to do with that amount of time? Get nearly killed, again.

I would like to say it wasn't my fault, they made me, but let's face it. Any of the hair brained stunts I have pulled have begun with me pretty much telling someone either "yes, I will go on this incredibly dangerous quest for you" or "Bitch, please, I'm Faolan, I can do anything" which is exactly how I wound up with another Black Book and had to fight a crazy dragon priest named Zahkriisos. He really liked lightning by the way.

But I am getting ahead of myself yet again. Me and Serana were sitting in the Retching Neltch chugging back drinks because, you guessed it, some damn Dunmer bastard said I couldn't drink more than him. After about 5 drinks the guy was stumbling and nearly puking everywhere. Pathetic. He wouldn't of lasted against Sanguine. After out drinking the poor bastard, I overheard some folks talking about the local mine and it made me think about that old guy down there who was trying to find out what happened to his great grandfather.

Feeling a bit guilty because when I was getting Glover's pickaxe back for him I promised the old man I'd look into what happened to him. At the time I was lying, I was just trying to get the pickaxe back. As I sat there thinking about it, and in my intoxicated state, I decided I might as well look into the matter for him while I wait for the ship to return. Serana, as always being my voice of reason, suggested we wait at least till morning when I would be fit to fight whatever might await us in the mine.

I should have listened to her. Within minutes of descending into the cave system I nearly had my face chewed off by a fairly large spider, who was flanked by two more spiders. After that we stumbled, well, I stumbled, she kind of led me, through to where the old mining company broke through into a Nordic ruin. By this point, we decided it would be wise if I were to sleep off the effects of the locals fine alcoholic beverages (meaning Serana slipped me something to make me pass out before I could endanger the two of us any further).

Several hours, a massive hangover, and a few potions later, we proceeded with our quest. I'm not mad at her for drugging me by the way. From the way she described me and what we encountered later, I am glad she made me sleep. We eventually found his great-grandfather, well, his remains anyways. And by him we found a journal saying what really happened and a unique sword that was actually the key to the very large door in front of us. On the other side we were met by, yep, Zahkriisos.

After a long, brutal battle with his royal pain in the ass, I picked up a black book that was hidden in a side room. But before Serana could stop me, for obvious reasons (notably the fact that I was burned severely by Zahkriisos's lightning spell and one of the Draugr's arrows pierced my upper thigh) I opened it and was transported to Apocrypha again.

It wasn't too bad, but my injuries made it a tad bit more difficult than what it should have been. In the end though it was worth it because now Serana, nor any other of my friends, cannot be harmed by me anymore. Trying to explain this to a very cross vampire has been unsuccessful so far though. It's been three day now since we got the old mans journal for him and all she will do is ask me if I feel alright and change the dressings on my wounds. I think I really pissed her off this time.

I don't understand why. She knows I'm a free spirit and that I tend to act on impulse. Which is bad at times yes, but had I not acted on impulse, I never would have met Serana or done any of this. I would still live in Cyrodiil in my family home mourning the loss of my parents. I wouldn't have stopped Miraak, nor Harkon, or Mercer. And Alduin would rule…shit. I forgot to go back to Paarthurnax. He's going to be pissed.


	14. Ch 14: Lizards of all sizes

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim**.

Paarthurnax wasn't angry, or at least he didn't appear to be angry with me. I don't know it's hard to tell. We climbed ALL the way back up to the summit and I read the scroll in the time wound just like he instructed. Unlike the other time though, I was teleported (or at least my consciousness was, almost like with the black books but I wasn't REALLY there) back to the time the three great hero's battled Alduin.

This allowed me to learn the shout to bring his scaly ass down. This is a good thing because as soon as I put the scroll down he appeared, and we fought. I thought he was a pain in the ass back at Helgan, but damn! Forget Miraak, forget Harkon, and even the countless dragon preists we have faced, Alduin really is the king. King of pissing me off!

He comes up all high and mighty (big surprise there) claiming he's more powerful and a whole lot of other shit, and I am really getting tired of facing off with these tyrants who believe themselves to be the most powerful being in all of Mundas. I don't even claim that title, nor do I wish to ever hold it. If it's one thing I have learned, the moment you start claiming that you are powerful and unstoppable, you die. So, I'm not going to do that.

What I did do was kick Alduin right in his "all-powerful" arse. Sent him running with his tail between his legs. And now I have to convince Jarl Balgruuf to allow me to capture one of Alduin's lieutenants to learn where he has gone to put an end to this once and for all. I have a feeling it's not going to be as easy as it sounds.

Well, I was right, it's not going to be easy. I have to convince two stone-headed men to hold a peace conference because lord fussy pants won't let me capture a dragon in his keep unless there is at least a temporary cease-fire. To make matters even more interesting I was pickpocketed by this young foolish Argonian who setup camp next to the stables outside of Whiterun whilst on my way to report back to Master Arngeir. After thoroughly giving him a sound beating, and taking back my gold, I listened to the whelp's story.

Apparently he was banished from Black Marsh after being wrongly accused of stealing from one of the royal houses? I don't know, but the kid did show promise in the art of pickpocket, well, at least till Serana saw him. So, I sent him to the Thieves Guild in hopes that Brynjolf can teach the lad a few things.

And after climbing back up that stupid mountain, Arngeir sent me to Solitude and then to Windhelm to "extend an invitation of peace" to both General Tullius and Ulfric. At first both kind of laughed at me, but once Alduin was brought into the conversation they seemed to change their tunes rather quickly. Which is good because I was about to smack Ulfric in his self-righteous attitude.

After that, you guessed it, back up the wretched mountain. Too bad Serana won't ride a horse because it would make things so much easier. She says they smell and she doesn't want to have to deal with saddle butt while trying to fight off the many things that want to kill me. Please, have you ever heard of such a ridiculous thing, who ever heard of saddle butt? On second thought, it does get rough riding for long treks so she might have a point in all that. But still, it would make going to High Hrothgar easier.

Speaking of which, both of those men are really big babies. The entire time the peace conference was being held, both were complaining because the Stormcloaks want this city, or the Imperials want this one. And since I still hadn't forgotten how both parties treated me, I gave the Imperials most of the goods. That'll teach the bastard to mouth off.

Suprisingly enough, Esbern and Delphine appeared. I honestly had forgotten about them, but it all came back to me why I left them to begin with when Esbern made his speech. I'm not too big a fan of dragons myself, but they are completely crazed about destroying them. They even want me to kill old Paarthurnax.

I tried to reason with them, but they won't listen to me. So I guess that's that because I refuse to kill him. Yes, he's a dragon. Yes, he was Alduin's right hand. But, whatever his previous crimes might be, he still turned against him and aided us in defeating him and the rest of his kind, his own brothers. For that, honestly he deserves more than to be isolated atop a mountain and surely he doesn't deserve to be killed for some self-righteous reason. In the morning, Serana and I will journey back to Whiterun to recover before we attempt to trap Odahviing.

I swear the next time I see Brynjolf, I'm going to kick him square in his ginger ass. He sent that stupid punk back to me giving me a letter pretty much telling me that since I so willingly sent him there, then he can be my apprentice. What the hell am I supposed to do with an apprentice? Lydia and he seem to be getting along, which is good because maybe now she will leave me alone, but I doubt it. She doesn't seem to be the guy loving type. His name is Haj-Gei Xermus, but that is too complex and very difficult to pronounce. I think I will call him Haj instead.

**My little brother caught wind of my story and has been pestering me for days now to add him to my story, hints the Argonian that now exists in it.**


	15. Ch15: The World-Eater

**Author's Note: I do not own Skyrim. **

Odahviing wasn't too difficult to capture. After I called him he came like an obedient little flying, death, lizard, thing. I don't know, I'm tired after all this bullshit honestly. It was a long and very lonely journey to defeat Alduin. And by lonely, I mean Serana had to stay behind. Odahviing would only carry me and as much as I tried to convince him otherwise, he wouldn't budge on his decision.

I asked Serana if she wanted me to call Durnehviir to see if he would carry her but she kind of gave me this look that said "You really expect me to fly on an undead dragon that smells like decaying flesh and brimstone?", so I didn't press the issue. He does kind of smell though. Anyways, Odahviing took me as close as he could to Alduin's portal to Sovngarde and man did I wish I had backup.

I had to simultaneously fight off an entire legion of Draugr and TWO dragons at the same time. I've taken a lot of wounds in battle, and also for doing stupid shit, like riding dragons without some sort of protective gear, but damn. First one of the dragons managed to smack me across a clearing and into a ruined tower with his tail, then a Draugr somehow managed to puncture my armor and massively bruised my ribs.

Thank Nocturnal for tough armor, because otherwise I wouldn't have able to move afterwards and I would probably be dead. Also it's a good thing I remembered to grab a few extra potions because I really needed them. I managed to fight my way to the top where guess what? There was a dragon priest, Nahkriin, who like Zahkriisos, liked lightning. Fun right?

Hell no, that shit can burn through my Nightingale armor like it's nothing. I wonder if it can be repaired, because if not then I guess it's time to retire this set of armor and get a new one. It wasn't too difficult after making it into Sovngarde, which was absolutely stunning, Serana would have loved it, and I really wish she was there with me.

After I made it to this large bridge made out of bone (my guess from a whale?) I briefly fought with the gatekeeper, Tsun, to test my might and valor. I passed of course and gained entry into the Hall of Valor and guess who was there? The three Nordic Heros of legend, Hakon, Gormlaith, and Felldir. Also I met the mighty Ysgramor. It was honestly something else.

Together, the four of us brought down the world-eater in a long and tiring battle. After which, Tsun sent me back to Nirn, to the Summit of the great mountain. Paarthurnax was there, along with several other dragons. At first I thought they might be pissed I killed their leader, but they seemed, relieved. I feel bad for Paarthurnax though, because although Alduin reigned with terror and he had to be stopped lest the world end in his fire, he was still his brother and Paarthurnax aided me in his defeat.

"He flew off with the other dragons, presumably to keep them somewhere they will no longer disturb the citizens of Skyrim. Odaviing too greeted me and told me if there is any a time where I need his help, to just call for him and he will come. He too bid me farewell and I was left on top of a freezing mountain. It was then that the potions I had been drinking to ward off the pain of my injuries wore off and I finally collapsed.

When I came too I was laying on a bed in High Hrothgar with Serana, my Serana asleep next to my bedside. It's been nearly a week now and I cannot wait till I have recovered enough to return home. I wonder if Lydia has gone insane yet with Haj being there. I guess I will find out when Serana lets me finally move from this bed.

I might have been a little more injured than I originally thought. My leg is in a splint from where that dragon flung me into that tower and I'm fighting a massive infection from all the lightning burns Nahkriin bestowed upon me. I asked Arngeir about Alduin because unlike all the other dragons I have defeated, I could not absorb Alduin's soul. He believes it is because Alduin may return one day to fulfill the prophecy that he will be the world-eater.

Good thing I will be long dead by this time because I do not believe I want to ever go through that crap again. I do however look forward to the day I will be up and moving again because I will find that rat bastard of a vampire who killed my parents. Seeing as how now I have saved everyone else, I think they owe it to me to let me seek my own vengeance. 


End file.
